THE EX FACTOR

It is interesting how being an event planner is so much more than many people imagine.  There are times when people ask my opinion about things that I would have never imagined coming into this business over a decade ago.  Having said that, brings me to my blog topic for today and that is, "should you bring your ex to an event.  Someone recently asked me just that question.  Whenever I am in that situation I usually come up with a very coherent answer.  Usually, I am concerned with how the actions of the guests may alter the mood of the event.  However, it got me thinking and as usual my answer would be "it depends".  Since this isn't your party, you want to think about what is best for the event at hand.  Honestly, I think it depends on the event, the relationship that exist between you and how prepared you will be for the questions you will get after the event.  Whenever I get that question, I usually ask them why they are considering taking their ex.  I laugh to myself when I get answers like, "we look great together in photos" or "he has such a great sense of humor".  You definitely want to take a date that will be fun, adapts to their surroundings and will be well received.  It also doesn't hurt that they will look great in photos.  At weddings, however, there are more things to consider.  Weddings are personal and they are milestone events.  Therefore, you may want to consider some facts before making a decision:

The Break-Up:

Break ups are rarely a mutually friendly affair.  What is a mutually friendly break up?  It is when neither of the parties involved have done anything to hurt the other.  They just mutually decided that they aren't right for each other and they are better off as friends.  That isn't to say that they never happen, just rarely so.  If you are the one that called it off then you may disagree, however you may never know how the other party truly feels.  Of course there are the amicable break ups.  For example, one party is ready to get married and the other isn't.  They break up because they want different things and it is the reasonable thing to do.  While it may be hard, the responsible and mature thing is to try to move on.  However, it takes a very strong person to be friends with someone they were in love with and wanted to share their life with.  Especially, when the other person didn't feel the same. Therefore if you are taking your ex, you should both be at a place where you are comfortable with the state of your relationship/friendship.

What Type of Event is it:

While you may be just friends, if you were once a great couple you may not want to take your ex to a wedding.  This also applies to wedding related events, like engagement parties or rehearsal dinners.  It is almost impossible for people to not want to marry off any fabulous couple in attendance that isn't already married.  If your ex is someone that all your friends and family love, you aren't going to get any slack. There is going to be that Aunt, family friend or maybe even your mother that will make it her personal quest in life to get you back together.  These rules may also apply for New Year's Eve parties.  I am not exactly sure why but, there has always been a certain romantic nostalgia in the air on New Year's Eve.  If you are attending a party with close friends, this rule applies even more.  It is the end of the past year of your life and the open door to the New Year of your life.  You may not want to spend it alone but do you really want to spend it with someone from your past? 

How Serious Were You:

While some couples that have been extremely serious can find the road to being strictly friends, it is a long road.  You may not want to complicate it with attending a serious event together.  It is not always easy to find friendship after having been in a serious relationship.  If you are able to find this with your ex, do you really want to jeopardize that?  Maybe it is a fundraiser for a cause you both support or networking social that is related to your ex's career.  While it isn't impossible to do without complication, it is very risky.  This is delicate territory and the longer you were together the more blurred the lines can get.  If you were once a very serious couple, there is a chance that you will somehow always be a part of each other's life.  But, you may want to make sure you have your feelings and history under control.  If you aren’t' t sure, then proceed with caution and choose wisely.

Don't Put Your Ex in a Bad Position:

So, if you are wondering if it is alright to invite your ex with the hope that it will spark their interests again, my answer is no.  While it is fine to do so, you shouldn't be taking them for that reason.  You also shouldn't be putting them in a position to feel pressure to get back together.  If it is meant to be, there will be a natural progression back to one another.  If you are manipulating your ex into getting back with you, not only will it not last but also it may remind your ex of some of the reasons you broke up.

The Aftermath:

Everyone loves a great couple.  If you are a socially fabulous couple and equally attractive, everyone will wonder why you aren't together.  Of course no one takes into account that relationships take a lot more than being a successful event team.  Yet, the questions will still come.  So, have you thought it all through?  Have you considered what it may do to your friends and family that have missed seeing you guys together?  To some, it may be hard to see you as something other than a couple.  While your life choices are your own, you may want to consider the feelings of your loved ones.  To you it may be no big deal but to the ones that love you it may inspire a personal quest to attend to your love life.  That may be a door you are not ready to open.  Therefore, think it through and make a choice based on all the facts.

In conclusion, should you take your ex to your next event?  Wedding season is here and trust me that question will come up a lot over the summer months.  Keep in mind that you are a guests and you want the event to work out well for the hostess/host.  You don't want to bring any drama to their party.   Don't forget, while he/she may look great in pictures, get along with everyone you know and tell great jokes at parties there may be more baggage there that isn't worth unpacking.   So, I hope I have given you enough of my opinion to help you make a decision that is best for you.   Take time to think about it and if you do take them, take them for the right reasons.